Relationships can be confusing and alienating when one partner discloses they are a covert narcissist.
So how does one go through life attached to a partner who is essentially a ghost of the person they thought they knew?
4 Traits of a Covert Husband
I have seen a lot of people who are trapped in the webs that covert narcissists weave.
It’s a difficult circumstance, particularly if the narcissist is a spouse or partner. Here, using my knowledge and experience, I hope to clarify the characteristics of a covert narcissistic spouse.
What exactly makes a husband covertly narcissistic?
A covert narcissist may initially come off as modest or self-deprecating, which is the exact reverse of the arrogant and overtly manipulating stereotype that many of us have in mind. However, how can you determine whether your spouse is in this group?
1. The Subtlety Master
In contrast to their more obvious peers, covert narcissists don’t actively pursue praise or attention.
Rather, in a more devious manner, they control events and dialogues to shift the attention to themselves.
Have you observed your spouse manipulating you by playing the victim or giving you subliminal guilt trips? It’s their tactic for getting pity and notice without overtly promoting themselves.
2. Passive Aggressiveness
The use of passive-aggressive conduct by covert narcissists is one of the most annoying things about interacting with them.
This could come in the form of delayed or quiet treatments, or backhanded praise. It’s a kind of discipline and control that makes you feel stupid and mistreated but doesn’t come across as aggressive.
3. The Silent Competitor
Covert narcissists are often competitive, but not in a way you might expect. They don’t publicly disparage others or brag about their accomplishments.
Rather, they are envious and could quietly criticize your accomplishments or forget to acknowledge them. It’s a means of upholding dominance without coming across as obviously antagonistic.
4. Emotional Withdrawal
This is another defining characteristic, particularly when it’s in reaction to your needs or feelings.
If your spouse is indifferent to your emotions or doesn’t seem to care, it could be a control tactic. They make sure that their needs come first by withholding emotional support, which frequently leaves you feeling ignored and irrelevant.
Guilt and Blame Shifting: In conflicts, a covert narcissist rarely, if ever, accepts responsibility. Rather, they manipulate the story to make it seem like you’re at fault, which frequently causes you to doubt yourself.
The goal of this manipulation strategy is to keep you off balance while putting on a front of innocence.
How to Survive a Covert Narcissist
I work with many people who are struggling to deal with a covert narcissist. Though there are many challenges along the way, there is still hope and a way forward.
My goal in sharing these insights and tactics that have helped many people on this path is to give you the power to handle this difficult relationship dynamic with courage and resilience.
Let’s start by defining what it means to be in a relationship with a covert narcissist. The first step is realizing this. So how can one succeed in such a relationship, as well as endure it?
1. Knowledge as Power
Equip oneself with information. Knowing the psychological foundations of narcissism might help you make sense of many of the actions that once may have left you perplexed or self-conscious.
Why do people so easily assign blame? How come they can appear so icy one minute and so kind the next? Understanding these tendencies can act as a shield, preserving your identity and enabling you to handle situations more deftly.
How To Identify a Covert Narcissist Husband
2. Setting Boundaries
Your boundaries are your stronghold. I’ve found that those who are good at establishing and upholding firm boundaries are the ones that thrive in partnerships with covert narcissists.
It is not the goal of this to change the narcissist’s conduct; that is an impossible task for anyone to accomplish. Rather, it’s about safeguarding your psychological health.
Establish clear limits and let others know what you will and won’t tolerate. Recall that you are entitled to expect respect in your interactions.
3. Cultivating Self-Compassion
Treat yourself with kindness. It’s simple to get caught up in a vicious cycle of self-blame when you live with someone who is skilled at manipulation and gaslighting others. It’s essential to practice self-compassion.
This entails being nice and understanding to oneself in the same way that you would a close friend. Recognize your emotions, give your experiences meaning, and constantly remind yourself that you are trying your hardest despite the challenging circumstances.
4. Seeking Support
This is not a route you have to take alone. Assistance can take various forms, such as counseling, mentoring, joining support groups, or confiding in reliable friends or relatives.
These resources can give you the emotional support you need to persevere and, in the end, thrive. In my practice, I’ve witnessed incredible changes in people who, despite feeling alone at first, discovered strength in their experiences and the support of others in the community and from professionals.
5. Embracing Personal Growth
Lastly, see this as a chance for personal development. Although it may seem counterintuitive, adversity frequently acts as a potent development catalyst.
You can learn more about healthy relationship dynamics, strengthen your resilience, and define your values by navigating the difficulties of living with a covert narcissist.
In the end, this path may result in a stronger, more confident version of yourself that is able to create deep connections and live true to who you really are.
Final Verdict
I understand the struggle of having a covert narcissist partner. It is very hard to accept that your spouse is a narcissist with all the feelings involved including love, affection and care.
To deal with them it is important to first see them for who they are; a cold hearted narcissist with little to no empathy for you, doesn’t love you for who you are, isn’t happy with your life’s success and constantly tries to overshadow you with their own insecurities.
Recall that you are not walking this route by yourself. On this path, your allies will be knowledge, boundaries, self-compassion, support, and personal development.
You can protect your health and start down the road to recovery and self-discovery by adopting these techniques.
FAQ’s
How do you deal with a covert narcissist partner?
To handle a covert narcissist partner, prioritize self-care, educate yourself about narcissism, establish firm boundaries, remember you’re not at fault, and seek professional support if needed.
How do you break a covert narcissist?
Breaking a covert narcissist involves pursuing your happiness, showcasing your life’s successes, setting boundaries, ignoring manipulative tactics, denying their desires, remaining calm against provocations, and cutting contact when possible.
What does a covert narcissist want?
A covert narcissist seeks admiration and significance, exhibiting a lack of empathy towards others, often concealing more overt narcissistic behaviors.
Can you fix a covert narcissist?
There’s no cure for narcissistic personality disorder, but symptoms can be managed with therapy. Individuals with less severe traits may benefit more from mental health treatment.
