Have you ever been powerless as someone you care about fell for a narcissist’s charm and then realized they were being manipulated?
For parents who see their kids struggle in a narcissistic marriage, this is reality.
Parents need to be sensitive, sympathetic, and patient with their son in this position.
They should also advocate for a life in which mutual respect and admiration are not just expected but freely offered.
Did My Son Marry a Narcissist?
1. They Don’t Respect Your Family’s Values
Relationship peace is based on respect for one partner’s familial values. However, a clear indication of narcissistic conduct is the blatant disregard for these principles.
Why is this the case? Prominent psychologists like Robert Hare emphasize that narcissists have a self-centered worldview in which they prioritize their preferences and opinions over the customs and beliefs of others.
This is a deliberate discounting of anything that doesn’t serve their self-interest or boost their ego, not just personality conflicts or disparities in upbringing.
Think about this: Do your son- or daughter-in-law regularly challenge the customs and values that your family holds dear, or are they contemptuous of them during family get-togethers?
This conduct is an attempt to assert power and control rather than merely being disrespectful.
They construct a story in which their ideals become the central theme, undermining the traditions and heritage of your family.
This deliberate weakening of morals might alienate your child and increase their susceptibility to the narcissist’s manipulation.
2. They Are Selfish
In narcissistic relationships, selfishness is more than just being self-centered; it involves seeing one’s spouse and family as an extension of one’s own needs and wants.
This is clarified by John Bowlby’s attachment theory, which suggests that these people may have had attachment disruptions during their early years, which caused them to see relationships as transactional.
This actually implies that your son or daughter-in-law might put their own needs first, disregarding your son’s, daughter’s, or even your grandchildren’s requirements unless they coincide with their immediate wants.
The effects are very serious.
Needs, emergencies, and family events are frequently disregarded or used for selfish purposes.
The narcissistic spouse may require constant care and support, regardless of the financial or emotional toll it takes on your family.
They frequently use situations to their advantage in order to guarantee a constant flow of attention, respect, and submission, fueling narcissism.
3. They Don’t Respect You
When a partner in a relationship displays narcissistic qualities, I’ve noticed a concerning pattern: a severe lack of respect for their partner’s family and values.
This disrespect can take many different forms, ranging from open animosity toward family members to a disdain for family customs.
However, why does this occur, and what can we do to prevent it?
Any healthy relationship must be built on respect, which extends to the couple’s families as well.
Lack of respect is an indicator of more serious problems. Relationships are frequently seen by narcissists as zero-sum contests in which they must always put their needs and wants first.
This self-centered viewpoint can cause one to disregard anything or anybody whom they see as posing a challenge to their control, including their partner’s family.
4. They Lie
Small fabrications of complex stories intended to control or manipulate events to one’s benefit are examples of deception.
Their ingrained insecurity and need for approval are the main causes of their tendency to lie.
They want to keep their fragile sense of self intact and make sure they stay in a position of authority so they can control the story.
The foundation of trust in a relationship can be damaged by lies.
Should you have reason to believe that your son or daughter-in-law lies on a regular basis, you need to handle the matter delicately.
One strategy is to gently draw your child’s attention to instances of this behavior if you can provide specific examples.
It’s more important to assist your child in recognizing trends they may have overlooked or decided to ignore rather than leveling accusations or starting arguments.
5. They Gaslight You
Narcissists frequently employ this deception, also referred to as gaslighting in psychology, as a means of gaining control and authority.
Gaslighting causes you to mistrust your recollections, perceptions, and the happenings around you, which has a profoundly negative emotional impact.
Why do gaslighting narcissists employ it? It devalues your feelings and experiences while enabling them to retain a façade of superiority.
Not only is this method dangerous, but it can also cause disorientation and erode your confidence in your own judgment.
The first thing to do if you think gaslighting is occurring is to follow your gut. Recall that your emotions and memories are real.
6. They Manipulate Situations
A fundamental component of narcissistic behavior is manipulation, which is done to change circumstances in one’s favor.
When the circumstance calls for it, narcissists are skilled at flipping the script and positioning themselves as the victim or the hero, all the while making sure their desires are satisfied at the expense of others.
This manipulation can take many different forms, such as playing on your worries or sympathies or guilt-tripping.
Comprehending the workings of manipulation is essential to combating it. Narcissists take great pleasure in arousing others’ emotions.
You can start disarming them if you maintain your composure and don’t respond how they anticipate. This calls for responding in a way that doesn’t reinforce their story, not disregarding the action.
How to Deal With Them?
1. Validate Your Son’s Feeling
It’s important to acknowledge and respect the feelings of people who are directly impacted by narcissism, like your child.
This method is based on the psychological idea of emotional validation, which is important for promoting emotional healing and self-awareness, according to Rogerian therapy.
When you validate your son’s emotions, you accept his experiences without passing judgment or making an effort to alter his viewpoint.
This reduces the invalidation he might feel in his relationship by providing a secure area for him to express his feelings and feel understood.
Acceptance does not mean agreement with all of his decisions or the nature of their partnership. Rather, it’s about confirming his experiences and feelings as genuine and important.
The uncertainty and confusion that are engendered by manipulative narcissism can be effectively countered by such affirmation.
2. Stop Interfering In Their Personal Life
But if you’re dealing with a selfish relationship, getting involved in your son’s personal life without asking may make things worse.
Relationship tension and conflict may increase as a result of narcissistic people’s tendency to view outside help as a challenge to their dominance.
Being non-interfering does not mean being apathetic or passive.
It is an intelligent choice to give your kid more authority and to help him take responsibility for his choices and the direction of his relationship.
The empowerment method is consistent with adult developmental psychology, which posits that psychological maturity and well-being are contingent upon autonomy and self-determination.
3. Don’t Confront Them, It Will Make Things Worse for You
It is uncommon that confronting a narcissist would result in the intended effect. Rather, it frequently results in emotional pain, further manipulation, and escalation.
This comprehension stems from psychological understandings of the dynamics of narcissistic personalities, in which narcissists use defense mechanisms in the face of conflict in order to preserve their brittle sense of self-worth.
Choosing your battles carefully and using a more deceptive approach to problem-solving are key components of this method.
How To Protect Your Son From Their Narcissistic Spouses
It takes a multidimensional strategy that prioritizes support, empathy, and personal development to shield your son from the damaging effects of a narcissistic spouse.
You can provide him with the resources and encouragement he needs to deal with this difficult and complicated circumstance by using these tactics.
Recall that the objective is to provide him the freedom to make decisions that advance his well-being, not to dictate or control the trajectory of his relationship.
Final Verdict
It’s not enough to just put up with the narcissist’s manipulations; you also need to give the impacted person the confidence to stand up for themselves and set boundaries.
For parents, this means offering a moderate mix of direction, support, and empathy in order to assist their son in realizing his own worth and the potential for a better life together or apart from marriage.
Even if it could be challenging, the objective is to develop resilience and self-awareness, making sure that the relationships that are really important are defined by respect, love, and mutual support.
FAQ’s
How do I deal with my son who is married to a narcissist?
Offer gentle guidance and support, emphasizing their worth and the importance of being treated with respect, without directly attacking their spouse’s character.
Can a marriage last with a narcissist?
Although many marriages to narcissists end in divorce, with nearly 60% not standing the test of time, the outcome can vary greatly.
Is it possible to have a successful marriage with a narcissist?
Success is contingent on the narcissistic partner’s willingness to seek help and both parties’ commitment to navigating the marriage with professional support.
How do narcissists act in a marriage?
They often employ manipulation tactics like guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and exploiting their partner’s resources, emotions, or talents for personal gain.
