By looking into the mind of someone with covert narcissism, you can find hidden fears that drive them to create a false public image. Their behavior is mostly driven by a fear of being found out, failing, and feeling ashamed, which causes them to create an “External Personality.”
This character is a façade of perfection, playing with people’s perceptions to hide deep-seated weaknesses.
The genuine character of the covert narcissist is hidden behind this well-constructed façade, and it is very different from the idealized picture they provide.
What are covert narcissists afraid of
1. Fear of Being Exposed
Their biggest fear is being revealed for who they are. This concern isn’t simply about looking bad but also facing their inner insufficiency and emptiness.
In addition to lying to others, covert narcissists create complex personalities and storylines to escape an unbearable reality.
They will do whatever to protect their created world at all costs, from planned manipulation to forceful denial when exposure is imminent.
By helping people through the maze of a narcissist’s lies, I’ve seen how recognizing this fear can free people. It gives victims the ability to look past the narcissist’s façade and comprehend the insecurity that motivates their behavior.
2. Being Made Fun of
Why do covert narcissists find mockery so terrifying? It goes beyond simple hurt sentiments or strained egos.
They see mockery as an open attack on their painstakingly constructed self-image.
Admiration and affirmation are what covert narcissists feed off of, and they use these as pillars against ingrained fears.
Laughter turns against them, threatening to reveal their vulnerabilities to the outside world in addition to shattering their shield.
3. Being Ignored
I’ve learned from these situations that being disregarded is one of the deepest concerns that are present.
But why does this fear confine them so much? Let’s investigate.
For covert narcissists, being ignored is the same as being erased.
Recall that their sense of value comes from outside sources. To prove their existence and dominance, they yearn for approval and attention.
It’s not merely a small annoyance when we divert our attention; it’s a serious danger to their identity.
Without seeing themselves reflected back in the eyes of others, they feel worthless, invisible, and invalidated.
Knowing how to handle these intricate dynamics can help you overcome your fear and adopt a loving, detached position instead of participating in their repetitive drama.
4. Abandonment
Abandonment is a fundamental dread that is ingrained in the minds of hidden narcissists.
This concern isn’t just about being left alone; it’s also about facing their ingrained emotions of worthlessness and inadequacy.
According to what I’ve observed, they frequently present an independent, even distant image, but on the inside, they suffer from the fear of being thought unworthy of affection or care.
I assist clients in seeing that the narcissist’s fear of being abandoned is a crucial vulnerability during our coaching sessions.
This realization aims to promote comprehension of the mechanisms underlying their behavior rather than to take advantage of them.
It’s about recognizing the real person beneath the mask, not to justify their behavior, but to free oneself from the emotional blackmail they perpetrate.
The intention is to provide people the tools they need to take back control of their lives, set clear boundaries, and find comfort in their values and resilience, independent of the narcissist’s approval.
5. Failure
What causes this fear to affect individuals so deeply? Now, let’s remove the layers.
A covert narcissist views failure as more than just not accomplishing an objective. It poses an immediate danger to their carefully erected façade and their manufactured sense of self.
They try to provide a flawless image of themselves to the outside world as well.
Failure is more than simply a temporary setback when it approaches; it’s an existential concern that their carefully constructed persona may come tumbling down.
6. Shame
Another deep anxiety that haunts covert narcissists is shame.
But why does shame scare them so much? Shame, in my opinion, highlights the gap that exists between the inflated sense of self that a hidden narcissist displays and their true, inner sentiments of unworthiness and inadequacy.
Admitting guilt or failing could require facing these unpleasant emotions head-on, which is so intimidating that people frequently take extreme measures to avoid it.
For them, shame is a mirror reflecting their deepest fears rather than just a feeling. Seeing this, I help those who are impacted by covert narcissists approach social situations with an awareness of this anxiety.
Although it offers a foundation for understanding the narcissist’s conduct, this knowledge does not excuse their behaviors.
It provides clarity on the path to rehabilitation and self-discovery, which is a step towards healing.
External Personality
I’ve come across a number of situations that highlight the sharp contrast between the hidden narcissists’ public and private selves.
This duality, which is sometimes called the “External Personality,” is a well-crafted facade that hides their inner nature and allows them to maneuver social expectations.
The External Personality is a social deception workshop. Covert narcissists portray themselves as idealized individuals who are committed to their lovers, nurturing parents, hardworking workers, and involved members of the community.
This façade is more than just a show; it is a weapon for manipulation as well as a shield against suspicion.
Why do narcissists in hiding put so much effort into their public persona? Their ingrained fear of being seen is the cause.
They protect themselves from criticism by presenting a respectable front, which permits their destructive and deceptive actions to continue unchecked.
When the mask falls at home, they show who they are: emotional, ruthless, cunning, controlling.
Acknowledging the dual character of covert narcissists enables those who are impacted to see past the deception.
It’s critical for anyone caught in a narcissist’s web to understand that the kind, honorable façade they put on the outside is far different from who they are.
Acknowledging this contradiction is the initial stride towards releasing oneself from their impact and progressing towards recovery.
Final Verdict
It is evident that covert narcissists are filled with dishonesty and manipulation, motivated by ingrained fears and anxieties. It might be freeing to see the exterior ego for what it is: a façade.
It gives people the ability to look past the façade, comprehend the underlying worries, and set boundaries for their well-being.
Then, in the face of such dishonesty, the issue becomes how we can safeguard ourselves and cultivate real connections. The key to better relationships and personal development is knowledge, sensitivity, and the courage to look past outward manifestations of reality.
FAQ’s
What hurts a covert narcissist the most?
The greatest discomfort for a covert narcissist comes from the fear of being exposed, as it challenges their meticulously crafted image of perfection.
What does a covert narcissist want?
A covert narcissist desires admiration and significance, often lacking empathy for others, while hiding the more overt symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder.
How do you beat a covert narcissist?
Dealing with a covert narcissist involves not taking their words or actions at face value, ignoring their demeaning remarks, not attempting to point out their flaws, not expecting apologies, and maintaining your personal boundaries.
What bothers a covert narcissist the most?
Losing control and being ignored are what bother a covert narcissist the most, as it undermines their perceived power over others.
