Growing up under the shadow of a narcissistic parent can leave a profound and lasting impact on one’s sense of self. Imagine being overwhelmed with compliments on your mother’s amazing and unselfish qualities, as well as her almost limitless capacity for compassion and kindness toward others.
Your actual experience, however, paints a quite different picture that sharply contrasts with the public image she upholds.
You may get caught up in a whirlwind of cognitive dissonance as a result of this glaring contrast between your own reality and public perception, leading you to start doubting your own experiences and emotions.
7 Obvious Signs of a Covert Narcissistic Mother
1. She’s Controlling
Have you ever had the impression that everyone is watching you closely and that your preferences and decisions are being disregarded? Those who have a controlling person in their lives frequently experience this emotion, and it is especially strong when that person is a parent.
I have seen many situations where people struggle with having a controlling mother, especially if she is narcissistic.
Based on my observations, people with narcissistic qualities typically have deep-seated insecurity and a desperate need for approval, which is where this control originates.
My guidance is based on defining and comprehending boundaries. The first step is realizing that this conduct is more likely the result of their own fears than of you.
It’s difficult, particularly when the dominating conduct is covered up by sentiments of love or care.
2. She Constantly Criticize Others
Criticism can weaken one’s feeling of value and self-esteem, particularly if it is persistent and severe.
I witness firsthand through my practice how people who are impacted by narcissistic parents, especially moms, struggle to internalize the constant criticism they get.
Under the pretense of ‘wanting the best’ for you, it’s really a kind of control meant to preserve a sense of superiority.
For what reason do they act in this way? Fundamentally, the narcissist’s own weaknesses and feelings of inadequacy are reflected in this behavior.
My advice for dealing with this usually revolves around developing self-compassion and regaining one’s self-worth. It’s about learning to value your own worth independently of other people’s opinions, even if they come from your parents.
3. She Lacks Empathy
I have seen firsthand how profoundly narcissistic conduct is characterized by a glaring lack of empathy.
Why does this matter? Empathy enables us to relate to and fully comprehend the thoughts, feelings, and viewpoints of others.
I’ve seen people struggle with emotions of loneliness and self-doubt because they yearn for this fundamental human connection from their parents.
My recommendation? Realize that you are not to blame for this emotional comprehension gap. Creating a network of support outside of this relationship can be a critical first step on the road to recovery and real, compassionate relationships.
4. She Exploits People
Another characteristic of narcissistic people that I regularly see is the exploitation of others for one’s own benefit.
It’s a cunning strategy to take advantage of someone’s wealth, time, or affection without considering their welfare.
It is heartbreaking to watch clients come to terms with the fact that their relationship with their parents is conditional rather than unconditional.
However, there is a way ahead. I support developing self-awareness and establishing clear limits. It’s critical to realize that you deserve to be in partnerships where there is mutual respect and caring.
5. She is Altruistic
Throughout my career, I’ve come across a perplexing situation a lot: secretive narcissistic mothers acting in seemingly selfless ways.
Have you ever questioned why a mother who you know to be conceited might appear to be giving or selfless out of the blue? It’s critical to understand that this is frequently a front, a calculated action to uphold a dominant persona or control people around her.
These acts, in my opinion, are motivated more by stoking their own egos and influencing views than by caring about the welfare of others.
In situations like these, it’s critical to recognize the trends and comprehend the intentions, giving one the ability to differentiate between sincere generosity and deceptive kindness.
6. She Violates Your Boundaries
The subject of covert narcissistic mothers violating their boundaries comes up a lot in my coaching and therapy experiences.
Why do some mothers constantly transgress personal boundaries when they are supposed to be guardians of our welfare? Although it’s difficult to accept, boundaries are not viewed as healthy restrictions by covert narcissists; rather, they are perceived as threats to their control.
Their incapacity to acknowledge their kids as unique people with unique wants and rights is frequently the root cause of these abuses.
I would advise those facing similar infractions to maintain their ground. Setting limits is not a sign of disobedience; rather, it’s an essential first step in building wholesome relationships.
7. She Gaslights You
Have you ever had doubts about your own experiences or emotions as a result of what someone else said? That is an example of gaslighting at work, a frequent strategy employed by narcissists in disguise to keep you unbalanced and in control. It’s a vicious method of instilling self-doubt and causing you to lose confidence.
My recommendation? Have faith in your experiences and instincts. If necessary, record discussions and occurrences in a journal.
When someone tries to twist reality, you can use this as a grounding method to make sure it is what it is. Recall that acknowledging the validity of your emotions and recollections is the first step towards mitigating the consequences of gaslighting.
8. She is Manipulative
Those with narcissistic tendencies frequently use manipulation as a tactic to make others submit to their will.
I’ve helped several people see the strategies being used against them by guiding them through the mist of manipulation. In order to achieve their goals, manipulators frequently prey on your feelings, pulling strings of guilt, fear, or love.
Growing up with a Covert Narcissist
These mothers, I’ve discovered, can be especially difficult since they frequently manipulate without anybody noticing.
You may question why this occurs. This is due to the fact that their behaviors are concealed behind an act of kindness or worry, making it challenging to identify the fundamental manipulation.
I’ve observed how this relationship undermines children’s self-worth and causes them to doubt their own reality.
An atmosphere devoid of true empathy, emotional manipulation, and persistent gaslighting is poisonous for learning and development.
How would I advise someone who has gone through this? Acknowledge that your feelings are legitimate and that your confusion was intentional rather than coincidental.
Recognizing and labeling the experience for what it was is the first step toward healing. It’s about taking back control of your story and realizing that you were never at fault.
I place a strong emphasis on the value of establishing boundaries and looking for encouraging environments that validate your experiences and feelings. Recall that, in spite of the difficulties you’ve encountered, you are capable of growth and resilience.
How Sibling Relationships Are Destroyed by a Narcissistic Mother
Final Verdict
Our relationship with our parents shapes our reality for adult relationships. Childhood plays an important role in the development of personality in psychology. Unless we heal and break free from the unhealthy patterns and the trauma of having a toxic parent with narcissistic traits, we will forever be stuck in our adult relationships.
I’ve had the honor of witnessing remarkable transformations as individuals learn to set boundaries, cultivate self-worth, and forge healthier relationships.
The secret is to identify the manipulation for what it is, comprehend its causes, and accept how it affects your life. After that, accepting your true self, setting firm boundaries, and looking for relationships that encourage and support you are all necessary steps on the path to healing.
FAQ’s
How do you deal with a covert narcissistic mother?
To manage a relationship with a covert narcissistic mother, set and maintain healthy boundaries, stay calm during interactions, and have a respectful exit strategy for when conversations become unhealthy.
What does a narcissistic mother want?
A narcissistic mother prioritizes her needs and desires for admiration and control, often at the expense of empathy and respect for her children’s boundaries and autonomy.
How does a covert narcissist mother act?
A mother with covert narcissistic traits often acts critically and scrutinizingly towards others’ actions and achievements, believing she alone knows best, thereby asserting her perceived superiority.
What are the behaviors of a narcissistic mother?
Behaviors of a narcissistic mother include a lack of empathy, a need for constant admiration, belittling or manipulating her children, neglecting their needs, being overly controlling or critical, and using guilt or conditional love to maintain control.
