While telling a narcissist you miss them may seem like a step in the right direction, there are risks involved.
It’s important to realize that, rather than being a sincere cry for connection, narcissists frequently see statements of missing them as an indication of control and emotional power. This triggers their grandiosity.
This acknowledgment may unintentionally reopen doors to cycles of manipulation, in which recurring patterns of cruel conduct succeed fleeting moments of tenderness.
Should You Tell a Narcissist That You Miss Them?
Let’s be clear about what we’re dealing with first. From a therapeutic standpoint, narcissism is more than just being excessively conceited or egocentric.
It’s a pattern of conduct marked by a deficiency of empathy, a desire for recognition, and frequently a string of damaging or manipulative acts directed at other people.
It is important to comprehend this since it affects how individuals view and respond to emotions, especially those of missing someone.
Why, then, would you feel the need to say that you miss a narcissist? It’s normal to want closure, connection, or even to think that the dynamics that caused you pain may one day change.
But this is where my background as a professional raises some red flags.
Though you may have been trying hard to close doors, telling a narcissist that you miss them can unintentionally allow cycles of deception and hurt to continue.
A narcissist views sharing your sentiments of missing them as a weapon rather than merely an expression of love.
It’s viewed as a point of leverage, a clue to your weakness that they can take advantage of.
Why? Narcissists are fundamentally driven by a desire for control, a sense of need, and the ability to influence the emotions of others.
This is more about confirming their sense of power and superiority than it is about building a sincere, caring relationship.
What would happen then if you did tell them you missed them? It will likely start a vicious cycle of control and emotional turmoil again.
After they feel confident in your emotional involvement, they might exploit this admission to re-enter your life and show fleeting signs of affection or change before returning to their harmful habits.
Do You Really Miss Them?
Above all, it is important to recognize the complexity of feelings associated with any relationship, but especially with one that may have been characterized by emotional manipulation or distress.
Telling a narcissist you miss them is a natural tendency that is typically rooted in weakness and, occasionally, unresolved emotions.
It’s important to stop and consider the nature of these feelings, though.
Do you miss their company and those seemingly loving times, or are you pining for the one who hurt you?
You don’t miss them, actually you miss the version of them you created in your mind. You miss what could have been if they changed. You are tangled up in their web of creating unwanted addiction to their charm.
Narcissistic individuals often wear a mask of charm, drawing you into a rollercoaster of intense emotions.
It’s simple to get sucked into the highs and forget about the inevitable lows that follow.
The lack of those highs can create a gap when a relationship ends, or distance becomes an issue, deceiving you into thinking you miss the person hiding behind the mask.
However, I would like to know what you discover when you remove the relationship’s layers.
Is it a cycle of control, denigration, and emotional turmoil, or is it mutual respect, empathy, and support?
It may seem like a step in the right direction to tell a narcissist you miss them or that you can rebuild a connection.
But this action may unintentionally reopen previous wounds and start a manipulative cycle. Feeling important and in control is what narcissists love.
By telling them you miss them, you give them back control over your feelings and possibly even your life by giving them access to your most vulnerable emotional state.
Therefore, are you truly missing them, or are you missing the one they could be in the relationship? It’s a challenging yet crucial question.
You can unearth strengths you never realized you possessed, create healthier relationships based on respect for one another, and achieve a feeling of self-worth independent of other people’s approval by embracing the discomfort of going forward.
How To Get Over a Narcissist
It might be difficult to deal with the emotional ruins of a relationship with a narcissist.
The path to recovery and self-discovery is incredibly personal and calls for tolerance, comprehension, and self-compassion.
1. Acknowledge the Reality
First and foremost, it’s critical to face the relationship’s realities.
Manipulation, lying, and an unequal distribution of power and affection are frequently the cornerstones of narcissistic relationships.
Realizing that the key to this is not placing blame but rather comprehending the dynamics at work.
Although coming to this realization can be difficult, it’s an essential first step in starting to separate your feelings and experiences from the narcissist’s controlled narrative.
2. Embrace Your Emotions
It’s common to experience a range of feelings, from relief and rage to sadness and longing. Let yourself experience these feelings without passing judgment.
Acknowledging your feelings can help you heal; suppressing them won’t. Grieving for the goals and dreams that were pinned to the relationship you lost is acceptable, in addition to the relationship itself.
3. Write It Down
Writing is an effective technique for healing. Recording the bad experiences, the instances of manipulation and disrespect, and the emotions they arouse can act as a sobering reminder of the need to move on.
Conversely, writing down your feelings, modest victories, and thoughts on the healing process can be a source of inspiration and a concrete indicator of your development.
4. Reconnect with Yourself
A loss of sense of self is a common consequence of narcissistic relationships. The person you used to be may seem different and distant.
Getting back in touch with oneself is essential.
Rekindle your hobbies, interests, and the small pleasures in life that make you happy. Take part in activities that help you feel independent and valuable.
Recall that your worth is independent of the love or acceptance of others.
5. Establish Boundaries
Establishing sound boundaries is essential. Narcissistic people routinely cross boundaries, so setting and upholding them is a strong declaration of your independence and self-respect.
This may mean breaking off communication, which is frequently required to stop additional manipulation and begin the healing process.
6. Seek Support
You don’t need to face this challenge by yourself.
Locate a network of people who can relate to and validate your experience, whether it be your friends, family, support groups, or expert assistance from a therapist or coach.
It can be quite soothing and reassuring to tell your story and hear others tell theirs.
7. Focus on the Future
Lastly, put your energy into creating a future that is for and about you.
Though it can be tempting to live in the past and consider “what ifs,” fresh possibilities, connections, and personal development are all possible in the future.
Establishing objectives, no matter how tiny, can give your recovery path focus and direction.
As you proceed, keep in mind that healing is not a straight line.
There will be days when the weight of your emotions feels too much to bear and setbacks.
But as you walk forward, each step is not just about getting past the hurt; it’s also about creating a life that is characterized by your fortitude, resiliency, and newly acquired insight.
Final Verdict
It’s important to keep in mind that each person’s path to recovery from the fallout from a relationship with a narcissist is different.
Although the route is not clear-cut or predictable, it is manageable with the correct resources, attitude, and assistance.
The actions listed here are not merely about letting go of someone who may have given you a great deal of anguish; they are about finding and validating your value, your identity, and your capacity to flourish without their shadow.
FAQ’s
How do you make a narcissist regret losing you?
Cut off all contact, focus on your well-being, and engage with your support network, understanding they may not genuinely feel regret.
Should you ever tell a narcissist you miss them?
No, it’s not advisable to tell a narcissist you miss them, especially if they’ve mistreated you, as it can hinder your own healing process.
Do narcissists feel bad for hurting you?
Narcissists may experience brief moments of remorse or shame, but these feelings are often superficial and fleeting.
Will a narcissist come back if you unmask them?
Yes, narcissists may return even after being unmasked if they see an opportunity to regain control or if their alternative sources of narcissistic supply are insufficient.
